


I'm sorry I couldn't trust you

by Kajune



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s11e14 The Vessel, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, One Shot, Possibly Unrequited Love, Season/Series 11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 14:04:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7847956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kajune/pseuds/Kajune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A small rewrite of a scene from the episode The Vessel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm sorry I couldn't trust you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> This story is a gift to devil-in-a-winchester(tumblr), who is a major fan of Samifer. I hope you enjoy~

The quietness inside the bunker was a heavy contrast to Sam's mind, which was reeling from the lack of answers on how to get his brother back. Phrases of 'I told you so' and common curses permeated his thinking process, since Sam knew time traveling was a bad idea and yet Dean wanted this plan to go forward.

Outwardly, Sam kept his composure by staying hopeful, by adding small flashes of memory from times when the impossible was proven possible, when previous mind-blowing incidents were successfully overcome. They were a small comfort, but Sam had long survived life with such.

Sam was almost startled by the sound of knife hitting wood. Taking two large spell books he found, Sam walked back the way he came. He found Castiel standing over a table, and to Sam's confusion, he looked to be preparing a spell. Sam approached him steadily, eyes wary, as Castiel added an ingredient into a metal bowl and regarded him with only a brief glance.

"Cas, what is that?"

Castiel looked at him again, and said, "It's your spell of gathering."

This shocked Sam. The words very nearly flew out in a yell as Castiel resumed his work.

"You nuts? You're not strong enough Cas, you could get hurt!"

"You find a better option?"

Glancing at the unopened books in the hand, Sam was reminded just how hopeless their situation truly was, though Sam did not see any good in taking more risks. It was sad that no spell had come close to being able to rescue Dean as the Spell of Gathering, which failed due to the lack of just one ingredient.

"Well, no, but...without a serious boost to your angel power, that spell won't even work!"

"My strength may surprise you."

Sam was a little baffled. It was well-known that Castiel's power could not match that of an archangel, the spell's missing ingredient. The sheer difference had led to many problems about four years ago, and Sam half-wondered why Castiel appeared not to remember that.

His mind kept on picking up solutions, any solution. Any alternative sounded so much better than once again risking the life of his friends. As Castiel chopped up what ingredients he managed to gather, Sam finally recalled something he was once told. "Wait a second." He put the books down on a nearby table. "I remember Bobby told me when you needed strength to retrieve us from the past, you used him to power up, you touched his soul, right?"

Castiel looked somewhat confused. "That's right, I did that. But that procedure can be fatal."

Much of Sam could not see this as a problem. He watched Castiel briefly, and his mind made a final declaration that Castiel's life was worth so much more than his own. "Use my soul." Sam said firmly. "That way maybe you'll have enough power to wield the spell."

"That isn't necessary."

"It's worth the risk." This caught Castiel's attention. "Cas, Dean needs our help. I trust you."

The words seem to elicit something from within Castiel, something unknown to Sam, for instead of arguing further like the mother hen Castiel sometimes was, or solemnly nodding whenever forced to choose a decision he didn't like, Castiel's cheeks puffed as laughter began to burst out.

Sam was beyond confused. Aside from the obviously weird reaction to someone's decision to sacrifice themselves, Castiel **never** laughed. Sam's alarm bells were slowly making noise. Castiel was fighting feebly against an onslaught of laughter, and it looked so wrong.

"What?" Sam inquired.

Castiel calmed, and bowed his head. He looked somewhat defeated. Then, when his bright blue eyes turned to Sam, there was an impossible amount of sadness present. In his confusion, Sam nearly took a step back.

"If only, Sam, that were true."

Sam watched as Castiel debated over continuing with the spell or just explaining himself so Sam's head could stop bursting. Thoughts were flying everywhere. Of course Sam trusted Castiel. Maybe not always, but gradually, ever since they first met, Sam had grown to trust the angel as he would trust Dean.

There was no question on whether Sam saw Castiel as a brother, so why would he say such a thing? Where was that sadness coming from?

"I-I do trust you."

Sam confessed, but Castiel did not look even the slightest bit convinced. Appearing to abandon the ingredients, Castiel turned his eyes on Sam again. A small smile adorned his features as he spoke.

"Then why did you refuse to say 'yes' to me?"

Sam paused. These words were not the words Castiel would ever say. Sam's brain processed them to their fullest capability, searching for the person or situation to whom these words made sense with. He only had to go back a few weeks to find the answer, and the shock virtually knocked the wind out of him as he scurried back, until he hit the pillar behind him.

Castiel-- no, _Lucifer_ stood staring at him, looking sad and broken, yet much of it was hidden behind angelic pride. Sam didn't know what to say, couldn't begin to understand how or why Lucifer had ended up here, inside Castiel, and through what means.

But the question that rose higher than all others, was the question on what Lucifer wanted.

"Sam."

His name was spoken tenderly, almost affectionately, reminding Sam so much of his first encounter with the archangel. There was nothing but patience and honesty in that moment, and had Sam not been given the most mind-blowing news of the time, he'd almost appreciate the calm way Lucifer spoke to him, so different from the hunters he had to fight off that very day.

Weeks ago, Lucifer was patient too. He tried to show Sam what asset he could be in the fight. Sam didn't trust him, not because he outright hated Lucifer (Rowena was more spiteful than the Devil) but because they were natural enemies. Lucifer hated humanity and his bid to destroy it made him a foe to Sam, a human.

Sam didn't dare let himself trust Lucifer, as much as the offer for angelic assistance sounded tempting, almost delicious even. He just couldn't. Sam had always known it was Lucifer calling out to him, and only used God as an excuse for Dean.

But the difficult part was, letting Lucifer into his skin, letting the monster get back inside him. Last time that happened, the world came within an arm's reach of ending. Had Lucifer been more of an ally back during the Apocalypse, Sam would have trusted him more, so would Dean, but no. Their priorities clashed, yet despite knowing this, Sam went down to Hell in hopes of seeing Lucifer.

It was either so he could meet the archangel again, or out of a genuine need for help. He's still not sure which.

"Sam."

Lucifer called him again, and just the way he said it was full proof that this is Lucifer, not Castiel. Somehow, Lucifer had tricked Castiel into letting him in, a decision Sam was utterly unaware of for an embarrassingly long time.

"Lucifer."

Sam addressed the angel back, and this made Lucifer smile. _I can't trust you_ , Sam felt desperate to say. Lucifer was still the Devil, even if he was the only person in the world who understood him truly.

In cautious steps, Lucifer approached him, and Sam pressed his back further into the pillar, more out of instinct than actual fear. Sam worried more for how his friend was. Sam didn't even know angels could possess each other's vessels.

"Sam." Sam jumped when a hand touched his cheek, just like in that vision near the burning bush. It was a gift of comfort, a promise to withhold torture and grant only peace and salvation. Sam wanted to believe in it so badly. He truly did. "I promise I will never hurt you."

Sam tried to ignore the thumb rubbing his cheek as he spoke. "Y-Y-You did. You beat me, Dean, and Castiel, black and blue." Lucifer frowned, though he didn't stop caressing Sam with loving tenderness.

"I couldn't go back, Sam. The Cage. You must remember what a horrible place it was. Michael even urged me to flee, before I could become as crazy as he is now." Lucifer looked broken, and Sam very nearly accepted this as the whole truth. It would explain why, despite being beaten a dozen times more than Castiel and Dean, his injuries weren't as bad. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't. I thought you'd understand that. But, you didn't, even after I showed you what I could give you."

Sam knew Lucifer could give help if he chose to, but Sam doubted it. Even if by some miracle they defeated the Darkness, the potential for Lucifer to restart the Apocalypse was too great. To leave Lucifer in the Cage was safer for the world, even if Sam had some lingering hope that Lucifer was as honest as he made himself out to be.

Sam also hated taking big risks. When he first went to Hell to speak with Lucifer, he told himself that there would be no major risks taken, and that Lucifer would provide them with information, not so much a demand to get out. Admittedly, Sam didn't think clearly enough about what he was doing, and found that in some way, the journey had been more personal than practical, more out of desperation than any well-formed plan.

"I...I couldn't trust you."

This seemed to hurt Lucifer more, and Sam heavily feared a violent beating was to be his punishment. Lucifer looked rather tempted to too, to give Sam just that. Anything Sam learned from Lucifer during their times together was that Lucifer had an awful temper, worse than any angel he's ever faced.

But Lucifer did not act upon his rage this time. He simply brought his other hand to Sam's cheek and rubbed it along with the other hand, and Sam nearly melted from the sheer amount of coziness it brought. His legs felt a bit weak, but he kept himself up, knowing this was still not the time to indulge in anything.

"I get it." Lucifer sighed. "I am a bad person." He looked into Sam's eyes. "Then allow me to apologize by giving you back your brother."

Sam was hopeful again. Lucifer could do it, he had the strength. He just wasn't expecting to be kissed on the forehead and then left to watch Lucifer casually finish up the spell. Sam didn't know what to say, whether to thank the archangel or to run off. He did eventually, choose the former.

"T-Thank you."

This put a very genuine smile on Lucifer's face.

Soon, Lucifer disappeared in a bright flash of white light, and Sam helplessly collapsed onto the floor. Even now, he couldn't bring himself to fully trust the archangel, but at least he was given some proof that maybe one day, he could.

He did not hesitate to tell Dean who had brought him back from the past, when the pair returned, but he did regret - somewhat - in banishing Lucifer from the bunker. He mouthed a small apology.

They would meet again, he was sure of it, and maybe then, Sam could trust Lucifer a bit more, maybe even work with him.

Just, not today, he reminded himself.

 

 


End file.
